Dirty Jock Page 9

  "Fair enough," I nodded. Then I finally turned back to look at him and smiled. "I promise not to spoil her meals with treats every time..."

  This time when he laughed, I could see the tired lines under his eyes, but only when I stopped focusing on how deeply blue they were. So yeah, I barely noticed those lines.

  It was a lot easier to like Tanner Garrick when he wasn’t acting like an asshole. I could see why women just threw themselves his way, as Cooper had put it. Especially if he turned on the charm.

  Was that what he was doing now? Turning on the charm?

  It didn't feel like it.

  With as tired as he was, his normal defenses must be lowered, which meant I was likely seeing the real him for the first time.

  And I liked what I saw.

  Unfortunately, that only complicated and confused just about everything. There were a million reasons why I absolutely should not develop any feelings beyond loathing and disdain for this guy.

  But the more time I spent with him, the more often I gazed into those oceans of depth he had for eyes, the harder it was becoming to stay focused on even a single one of them.

  17

  Tanner

  "Look, I hear what you're saying, but it's not that easy. She doesn't really like me all that much, and I don't have time for a relationship right now even if she did. And you, better than anyone else, should understand why that is."

  I opened the fridge and stuck my head in. I needed a cold drink, but I was also happy to break away from that silent, judging stare. Although maybe it was true that I was just making excuses.

  OJ in hand, I closed the fridge and went for a glass.

  "Anyway, the entire situation is just one big complicated mess and has been since day one. If anything, it’s getting worse, not better. I mean, what am I supposed to do, just call her and tell her I want to see her again today, right after acting like a crazed lunatic and practically accusing her of kidnapping yesterday? What would be the point of that? What do you honestly think that would lead to?"

  "More?"

  "More what? More of her scorn? More humiliation for me? Or do you mean that I'd get more Delaney? Maybe I don’t even want to see more of her, did you ever think of that?"

  "Want more."

  I felt my brow tighten and raise, but then Izzy picked up her bowl and slammed it down on the table. "Want more!"

  Oh, right. She wanted more cereal. I filled her bowl again and she went back to eating happily.

  I was clearly spending too much time taking advice from a two-year-old. Her life was simple, but at least that meant she was easier to understand. Her needs and desires were obvious most of the time, and at that age people were always willing to fulfill them just to make you happy. Aside from the ambiguity that came from a limited number of words at her disposal, I never had to worry what Izzy really wanted or was thinking once I figured out what she was asking for. What you saw was what you got.

  I had a feeling that wasn't entirely true with Delaney. There was plenty going on under her surface that I couldn't even begin to guess. On the one hand, she seemed impressed with what I'd accomplished around here and how well Izzy and I had started to bond, but on the other hand I knew that she was still angry with me for taking the kid away in the first place. She may never forgive me for that, even if I didn't consider that my fault.

  She also thought I was a pig. I couldn't deny all blame for that one.

  But to be fair, I had no reason not to live the way I'd been living prior to them showing up on my doorstep, so I didn't feel any great duty to explain or justify that behavior either.

  It was too bad, though. Every time I saw Laney I spent the next day unable to get her image out of my head. It wasn’t even just how gorgeous she was on the outside, either. That was a factor to my attraction, sure, but she also had this weird sort of innocence that seemed constantly at odds with this fiery streak that would appear any time I pushed a little too hard. I found the combination exhilarating.

  So maybe I really did want to see more of her, despite what I'd just told Izzy. But that didn't mean Laney wanted to see more of me.

  I took a swig of my orange juice as my daughter glanced up at me and smiled. Whenever she did that, she could ask for the world and I couldn’t imagine anyone that wouldn’t jump to give it to her.

  The wheels in my head began to turn...

  "Come here little one, I heard you missed me!"

  Izzy ran to Laney's outstretched arms and leapt into a hug. I felt a twinge of guilt at using my two-year-old to manipulate the redhead, but it helped to remind myself that I hadn't really lied. The hug was proof enough that she did miss the woman. She just hadn't specifically asked for her this time. That was where I fudged things. But women don't always ask for what they want explicitly. I was simply reading between the lines and anticipating the needs of my daughter.

  If anything, that just made me a good father.

  Still, it was a good thing Izzy could barely form a sentence.

  "Of course she missed you,” I said, “you're the ice cream lady."

  "Yeah, yeah," Delaney laughed. "We already went over that. No more ice cream brunches."

  "I wish I could believe you, but I feel like your time together may need to be chaperoned. At least until you can earn back my trust."

  "Chaperoned?" She looked over at me with a flat stare. Izzy's head created a shadow across her face that made Laney's emerald eyes look more like jade.

  "Yes, it means you have to put up with me tagging along to the park today."

  "I know what the word means, Flash Gordon." Then she stuck her tongue out at me and made a face. It was an adorably cute tongue. Izzy laughed and tried to make the same face. "I just thought you'd want another chance to have a nap."

  "Not today. Last night was a lot quieter. Anyway, you said there was a park around here. I probably should learn where it is."

  "You don't know where the park is? It's like one street over," she said, tossing her hair back and exposing the creamy lines of her neck. If I'd been a vampire, there's no way I would have been able to resist sinking my fangs into that. As it was, I felt my cock shifting around in my pants.

  "I've never noticed," I shrugged. I grabbed a light coat off the hook and slipped it on. It was warm for March, but still a bit nippy. Delaney grabbed Izzy's winter coat and started to cram the squirming girl into it.

  "We're going to the park," she explained. It was enough to get Izzy to stop moving.

  "Dada too?"

  "Me too, munchkin," I smiled down at her. Izzy clapped her hands now, wrenching one of them free from the sleeve and earning me an exasperated look from Laney. I bent down and helped finish the job.

  It was going to take me a while to get used to not being able to just grab my jacket and walk out the door. After Izzy was bundled up, Delaney reminded me that we would need to take a bag with a change of clothes, bottle of water, snacks, diapers... luckily the one she had used the day before was still sitting in the hallway fully loaded. I just got fresh water and we were finally ready to leave.

  We decided to walk since the park was so close and we had a toddler with far too much energy on her hands as it was. I had the bag slung over one shoulder, and Izzy started off holding Laney's hand. Then a few minutes later she ran around us in a circle to grab mine. She did that a few times before realizing that if she stood in between us she could hold us both at once.

  We looked at each other awkwardly and then I laughed.

  Delaney smiled nervously but then turned to stare ahead.

  "It's just Flash, by the way."

  "Huh?" She looked back over at me quizzically.

  "You called me Flash Gordon earlier. My nickname is Flash, after the DC speedster."

  "Gordon isn't his last name?"

  I chuckled loudly and shook my head. "No. Flash Gordon is a completely different comic. He's a space adventurer from like the 30s or something."

  "Are you sure?"

  This time I l
aughed louder. "Very."

  I saw the corners of her mouth curl up in a smile right before she turned back to stare at the sidewalk ahead of us. "Okay, nerd."

  The park was visible ahead of us now.

  "So I guess that means you call yourself Flash because you're really fast, is that it?"

  "First of all,” I corrected her, “I didn't give myself the nickname. That would be lame. I've actually had it since I was a kid. And second of all, I didn’t get it for being fast, although that’s probably why people still use it now. But originally, people called me Flash because of my name."

  "Your name? You mean Tanner?"

  "No," I shook my head. "In the comic book universe, there were actually a bunch of different characters called the Flash, and the real name of one of them was Jay Garrick. My middle initial is J. So... J. Garrick. The Flash. It started back then and just stuck."

  Delaney stopped this time and looked at me. Her eyes caught a glint of the sun and sparkled, looking more like emeralds again. "Oh my god, you really are a huge nerd. And here I’d always thought that nerds and jocks hated each other? How can you be both?"

  I stopped as well and laughed again, and this time she didn't turn her smile away. I met her gaze and held it, and for a moment it felt like maybe there was something there. Something other than annoyance and hatred. Another sparkle in her eye that could have just been the sun again, but that I wanted to believe was something more.

  But Izzy, for her part, wasn't interested in our potential moment.

  "Park!" she squealed. Then she pulled her hands from our grasp and started running ahead toward the equipment, giggling and squealing with excitement.

  And just like that, the moment, if it had ever even existed, dissolved as Delaney and I were forced to turn and start walking again, following in the wake of the excited toddler that had brought us both together in the first place.

  18

  Tanner

  The park had a playground with a climbing structure too big for Izzy, but that was anchored into a sea of wood chips. Although the wood chips were primarily there to create a soft landing in case of any falls, they were also great for collecting in handfuls, throwing and digging through. At least according to all the other toddlers that were already there when we arrived. Izzy quickly joined in, leaving me alone with Delaney.

  The benches ringing the park were filled with other parents or babysitters, most of whom were women, as well as a variety of bags and strollers. There was room enough for the two of us to sit on one of the benches next to a couple of other chatting mothers, but we would have had to get pretty close. I saw Laney eye it warily as we approached but then she remained standing, so I did the same, dropping the bag down between my legs. I made sure to keep my face directed towards the children. It was unlikely that any of these mothers would recognize me, but why take the chance of making this any more awkward than it already was.

  "She makes friends easily," I noted. Izzy was already playing with another little girl. She was helping her load her bucket with wood chips and then dump them out into a pile.

  "Like her mother," Laney nodded. "We were only a couple years older than Izzy is now when Gia and I first met in a playground."

  Gia. I wasn't sure I remembered her, but even if I did the memories I had weren't ones I would ever be able to share with our daughter.

  "I'm glad you were such good friends with her. Iz will want to hear stories about her mother when she's older, and I won't be much help there."

  "Yeah, well you make sure she understands how strong her mom was. That was important to Gia. She wanted to raise Izzy the same way. To always stand up for herself and be confident in who she is. Not let anyone take advantage of her."

  "I'll make sure of that."

  "Will you?" There was an edge to Laney's voice, and I looked over at her. She was staring at me, but not in the way I would have liked.

  "Of course I will."

  "Actions speak louder than words, Garrick," she said. "Especially with little children."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "It means that you can't tell a little girl that she should be a strong independent woman but then turn around as her father and treat women like your playthings."

  I could feel my fingers clench, but I resisted the urge to raise my voice. The last thing I wanted to do was create a scene in front of Izzy and all of the other children and mothers at the park. Still, I left a hard edge to it as I spoke through gritted teeth.

  "For the hundredth time, I didn't know I was a fucking father or that you would be showing up with my daughter that day. And despite what you might think, just because a woman, or women, want to have sex with me doesn't mean I'm taking advantage of them. Who’s being sexist now? For all you know, they were taking advantage of me."

  Laney frowned. "My point is, appearances matter. Are you going to explain and justify each of your questionable interactions with Izzy? Because she's going to be trying to figure out and interpret everything that she sees. And that means you have to be an unambiguous role model. Do you think bar fights are any better for her? You knew about Izzy then."

  "I didn't know she was mine," I muttered. Not officially, anyway.

  "Fine, whatever. You're off the hook then. You're clearly perfect and will raise a perfect daughter."

  I let out a heavy sigh, opening my fingers and stretching them.

  "Look, you're right," I said.

  "What's that now?"

  "You heard me." I wasn't about to repeat it. Saying it once was hard enough. "I know I've lived a wild life since I left home, and maybe I've gone a bit overboard. I just... I don't know. I guess I felt like I'd missed out a bit growing up, and that turned me into a bit of a dick. But raising Izzy to be a strong woman is just as important to me as it was to Gia."

  It was quiet for a moment. I had turned my eyes away from Laney's hard stare to gaze off towards my daughter. She was still playing with that other little girl. Every once and a while she'd look over to us, as if to make sure we hadn't left, and then smile and go back to her game.

  "Good." Laney finally said. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

  "I really haven't got a fucking clue," I admitted.

  She laughed softly.

  "I'm serious," I added, turning a sidelong glance her way. She was staring at Izzy as well. "But I promise that I'm going to try my best."

  She looked over at me and held my gaze for a few moments, as if she were searching for something. She must have eventually found what she was searching for, because she slowly nodded. “Okay. I believe you."

  "My brothers were a lot easier. They would keep each other entertained and whenever one of them got out of line, I could just wrestle them into submission."

  "Right, don't do that with Izzy."

  "That's my point. I need a whole new strategy now."

  "You're her father, and little girls look up to their fathers. That means you already have an advantage. At least until she's thirteen or so. Then it becomes a liability."

  "Great. Something else to look forward to."

  "One problem at a time, Tanner." She leaned toward me and bumped softly against my shoulder. I returned it.

  If my head wasn’t spinning with worries about Izzy, I might have wondered whether her finally calling me by my first name meant anything. As it was, I barely noticed. It was just another reminder that no matter what I liked to think, I really didn’t understand women very well.

  All I knew for sure was that now that I had a daughter, I had to change my ways. But beyond not having threesomes or getting into fights, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. What did Izzy need from me? What would I be able to teach a little girl? How would I be able to explain how to be strong if I couldn't wrestle with her? How would I be able to protect her from all the perverts and psychopaths in the world unless I stuck by her side at all times?

  "So where do I start?"

  "It's pretty simple, really," Laney said.

  "
Oh yeah?"

  "Yeah. Just treat Izzy the way you'd want her to be treated by anyone else. Show her how a man is supposed to act so that she doesn't accept anything less from anyone else. And not just with her, but with any women in your life. Model the right behavior in the way you treat them, and don't hang around women that behave in ways you wouldn’t want to see in Izzy. As I said, actions speak louder than words at this age."

  I just nodded. What she was saying made sense.

  If my life was filled with women like Abbey and Tessa, then I should expect Izzy to start acting like they did. If I treated Izzy like shit all the time, if I yelled at, berated or talked down to her or other women all the time, then she might think that was an acceptable way for men to treat women. Even if I told her that it wasn't.

  Laney was pretty smart. She would have made a great mother. She still would, one day, even if it wasn't with Izzy.

  I bumped her again, this time with my hip. Only since she wasn't expecting it, she stumbled off balance. Reflexively I reached out and grabbed her arm to stabilize her.

  "Sorry, don't know my own strength."

  She just laughed. "I guess it's my fault for making you angry a few minutes ago. Doesn't that make, like, your raging superhero Flash muscles go all out of control?"

  "The Flash doesn't get raging muscles when he gets mad, you're thinking of the Hulk."

  "Whatever, nerd."

  She shot me an accusatory grin and I smiled back. Then we both turned our attention back to Izzy.

  To be honest, though, I could only partially focus on how efficiently my daughter was moving mounds of wood chips back and forth across the playground. The rest of my attention was completely fixated on how the hand that I had used to steady Laney a few moments ago was still lightly wrapped around her arm.

  And she had made no attempt to remove it.

  19

  Delaney

  "I really don't know," I said again, lifting my double tall latte to my lips as if it would ward off further questions from Roxie. Her Gallery was only a few doors down and didn’t open until eleven, so we occasionally met at this coffee shop before she had to start.